Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut.
For how long, I can’t even tell. Has it been since we moved seven months or so ago, or has it been since Winter and all this cold weather started? I feel like it’s been longer.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in October of 2008 and haven’t worked since then. When one loses their contact with the “outside world,” it’s easy to lose touch with a lot of other facets of life. If I don’t log in to the internet to news sites, I don’t know what’s going on in the world. If I don’t check out the entertainment sites, I don’t necessarily know what the best shows or movies are anymore. The only people I see now, especially since I’ve moved, are my four immediate family members: my husband, two step-daughters, and my daughter.
Lately I’ve taken up a Work at Home position and have been doing alright with it, but I haven’t really seen much success, as of this time. I’ve been told that it takes a few months so I haven’t lost hope but it’s difficult to keep pushing myself when I see no progress. And when I don’t feel well.
The cold weather, while beautiful, makes me feel lousy. It makes my bones ache from their very core and my muscles twist and pull with sharp, stabbing pains at the most unfortunate of times…when I want to work. And I do WANT to work, but I just can’t bring myself to sit in front of the computer to do very much when my shoulders and back are screaming in pain.
Well, today and until I’m feeling a little bit better, I want to concentrate on relaxing, writing, and most of all, reading. I don’t feel like I’ve enjoyed myself while reading in a very long time. The other night I read two books, short ones, but stayed up late into the night with books in hand. That was the best time I’ve had in a long time.
So, here’s the heart of the matter: do I work even when I don’t feel like it? Should I push myself to sit here when I really don’t want to?
It’s my home business. I understand that if I don’t put forth the effort that I’m not going to get any outcome, and yet, I just don’t see the point in pushing myself past my own comfort level.
So, no pain equals gain in my world.